and i ask you friend whats a fella to do lyrics

Jorge's relationship advice is based on feel and ascertainment. Let his trial and error be your success (hopefully).

Can you tell when a friend is using you? Sometimes it can be difficult to tell. This article walks you through the 11 signs your friend is a user. — Can you tell when a friend is using yous? Sometimes it can be difficult to tell. This article walks you through the 11 signs your friend is a user.

Is My Friend Using Me?

Information technology hurts to realize that someone you considered close is using you and that they don't really want to be a existent friend. In situations like these, it'due south easy to shy away from the truth at first, ignoring the signs and living in a state of denial. The fact of the matter is that until you face the situation and truly have a deep look at your friend'due south beliefs, cypher can improve.

Do yous go a sinking feeling that your friend doesn't even really like you lot that much? Don't feel too bad about it. Some people are actually quite incapable of a real friendship, and they don't know how to do anything else too employ people.

If you lot suspect that ane of your friends fits this description, take a look at the signs and strategies for confronting the wrong-doer. This article covers the post-obit 11 cardinal signs that your friend is a user:

Your friend doesn't call you unless they demand something
They exercise everything they can to practise as little every bit possible
They never seem to think of you
Your friend knows surprisingly little nigh y'all
They speak poorly of you to others
When you have a crisis, they disappear
You only hang out with them nether specific circumstances
They get pushy or manipulative if you don't give them what they desire
They've told y'all that they're using you
They always demand to be in charge
They know all of your buttons and push them appropriately

ane. Your Friend Doesn't Telephone call You Unless They Demand Something

If your friend is using you lot, the most glaring sign is that they don't contact you unless they specifically demand something. It may not be obvious at first what they need, since they may exist self-aware enough to obscure their intentions.

For instance, maybe your friend calls to hang out with you. They spend a few hours with you, and quondam during the see, they mention a problem that they take. Perhaps their car broke down, maybe they need to cut down an overgrown tree in their front yard, or perhaps they are short on laundry money.

An skillful user won't ask you for annihilation upwards front. They volition build some rapport, then mention the problem. Before yous know it, yous might exist offering to requite them a ride to work, to fell their tree with your chainsaw, or to let them use your washer and dryer.

Obviously, there's nothing incorrect with doing favors for your friends—that'south part of friendship! The problem begins when your friend wants something from you lot most every fourth dimension they see you.

"Happy Holidays. It's a box of mini-candles because I just realized that I don't actually know you or what you like." — "Happy Holidays. It's a box of mini-candles because I but realized that I don't actually know you or what you like."

ii. They Practice Everything They Can to Give You every bit Picayune as Possible

When someone is using you, the whole indicate of the "friendship" is that they get more than out of information technology than you do. If they're reciprocating too much, or worse, if they're giving more than you lot are then they are going against their agenda. You definitely take to give more over the long-term for them to "profit" from your human relationship.

First, discover whether they're willing to offering the same kinds of favors that they demand from you. Most solid friendships involve people helping each other, even if it's inconvenient at times. Are you lot the only ane who is going out of your way, though?

Don't ask for anything outrageous; simply test to run across if they'll concur to something on the same level as what they tend to enquire you for. If they consistently deny helping you, or they fifty-fifty seem bothered that you asked, this is a bad sign.

Worse still, sometimes they may grudgingly comply with your requests, but they won't be interested in really solving your problem because they're simply trying to gratify you for reasons of appearance.

For instance, maybe your bicycle snapped in half and now yous need a mode to ride to work. Instead of actually trying to solve the problem by giving you lot a ride or a charabanc ticket, your friend offers you a rusty old cycle with flat tires that has been sitting in their garage for one-half a century.

Ringlet to Continue

3. They Never Seem to Call back of You

Unless they demand something from you, they never seem to think nearly you. They don't tend to say, "Oh, I heard this one vocal that I recollect you'll like!"; they don't tend to call you lot during the holidays; they don't tend to bring back gifts for you lot when they proceed a trip.

You're low on their priority list, and they hardly always think about you...unless they're thinking about how to become something out of you. Friends who are using yous are almost always inconsiderate.

4. Your Friend Knows Surprisingly Little Virtually You

Some other sign that someone is using y'all is simply that they don't really care to become to know yous. After all, it's not you they care about in the first place.

If your "friend" doesn't seem to pay much attending to what you have to say, forgets important things about y'all, and overall merely seems uninterested, so manifestly they must be hanging out with you for some other reason.

This goes beyond beingness simply forgetful.

5. They Speak Poorly of Y'all to Others

It's true that some people just can't stop themselves from gossiping. It'south like an addiction.

I of the hallmarks of a user, though, is that they won't think twice virtually throwing you under the omnibus. They'll speak poorly of you when y'all're not around because they don't actually care about your reputation.

Anyway, if they have tons of complaints about you, and yet notwithstanding hang around, then clearly they're not friends with you for your beautiful personality.

6. When Y'all Take a Crisis, They Disappear

Did something all of a sudden derail your life and you need some support? Sometimes it's not fifty-fifty about money or resources—on occasion, nosotros may just need someone to talk to when our world is crashing down.

When something tragic happens, does your friend show up for you? Or do you hear nothing but crickets chirping?

It's one thing if you're a Negative Ned and are always complaining nigh every petty thing in your life—that would drive anyone away. Only if you lot're a reasonably positive person who is having an emergency, you should be able to look a real friend to empathize.

7. Y'all Simply Hang Out With Them Under Specific Circumstances

Sometimes the fact that your friend is using yous can exist obscured by circumstances. For case, perchance you only always meet each other when y'all're going out to your favorite nightclub. In this situation, if they were using you for your social condition because y'all are popular and it makes them look proficient to be seen with you lot, it may exist hard to tell.

Switch things up a scrap. Run into if your buddy is willing to hang alone or practice something that's totally different from what you usually do. Unless it's an action that your friend hates, they should be happy to spend time with you—if they actually similar you.

8. They Get Pushy or Manipulative If You Don't Give Them What They Desire

Adept friends understand boundaries. Crappy friends who but want to utilize you for resources might get angry if yous don't give in to their requests. Often, they may fifty-fifty try to dispense you past guilt-tripping, or saying things similar, "I idea you were my friend!" when you tell them no.

Watch out for this controlling behavior. Real friends respect your gratis will and they'll like yous fifty-fifty if y'all have nothing as well your friendship to give.

9. They've Told You That They're Using You

This may seem way too obvious, but sometimes it's not. Many times a friend who is using you will disguise their ain confession as an apology.

They'll say something similar, "I know I keep request for stuff. It seems like I simply always call yous when I need something, I know. I'm lamentable." If someone tells you this, but doesn't make any effort to change the way that they approach your friendship, then they've basically told you themselves that they're using you. Heed to them!

10. They Always Need to Be in Accuse

Your friend'south unwillingness to set bated their own your betoken-of-view for a moment to see yours is a common pattern of behavior in someone who is looking to double-cross you. These people usually have a compulsive need to remain in their ways even if a logical way in why things should exist washed differently is presented. Often times y'all volition be punished for not complying with your friend's wishes.

eleven. They Know All of Your Buttons and Push Them Accordingly

Mendacious friends showtime out as someone who was interested in getting to know you and will present themselves every bit being concerned with your overall well-being. That is until the opportunity to get over on you appears. When this happens, don't be surprised when they apply your insecurities or other sensitive information against you. Emotional manipulators accept a good awareness of your emotions and will apace utilise them against you.

Characterize people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words.

— Bearding

How to Face Your Manipulative Friend

There are productive ways to confront someone who has been using y'all over the course of your friendship. Below are some helpful tips to help stop the cycle of exploitation.

Stay At-home: Be on guard without existence defensive. Anger keeps you from being levelheaded, and that might exist a part of your friend's plan. Effort not to call your friend'due south character into attention. For instance, instead of calling them a "liar," say that you "disagree with their position." Adopt a global perspective, and examine the state of affairs from all angles.
Resist/Be Direct: Stop being baited whatever further. Inform your friend that you accept noticed an ongoing blueprint in the way they treat you. Permit them a risk to clearly clear their thoughts and intentions on the matter.
Stick Up for Yourself: Be firm, trust your gut, and don't lend excuses or justify your reasoning behind declining to help with any more than favors.
Deploy Consequences: It may get necessary to determine and affirm certain consequences if the perpetrator refuses to accept "no" for an answer and/or insists on continuing to violate your boundaries. Finer communicating consequences for violations tin can help disarm the manipulator and pb them towards positive behavioral changes.

Sometimes You But Have to Say "No"

In that location are scenarios where the problem between y'all and your friend is but a thing of miscommunication. Sometimes friends don't intentionally use you; they just get used to hearing you say yes all the time, so they enquire for things and might not exist mindful about it.

It takes courage to say no and speak your truth, but you lot'll always feel at peace with yourself when you exercise. Beingness able to firmly say no and mean it volition likewise build your confidence and will forestall yous from being used in the time to come. This article gives advice on saying no without feeling guilty.

Letting Go of a Bad Friend

Later on yous've confronted your exploitive friend and identified their behavior sometimes information technology is necessary to release yourself from the relationship completely.

Realize That Information technology Volition Be a Process: The truth is breaking the mental, concrete, or emotional hold that somebody has on you is not always piece of cake. They didn't respect you lot in the past and so why would they at present? Prepare for some pushback as you distance yourself.
Stop the Relationship Directly: If you lot tin can, avert having your words misconstrued and used confronting y'all past having the conversation in person or over the telephone. Ask your friend not to contact you in a serious, straightforward style.
Don't Argue / Avoid the Guilt Trips: A part of refusing to purchase into the toxic dynamic is by not arguing or fighting with the manipulator. Avoid falling into a trap past restating your boundaries, and making information technology less attractive to continuously pursue you.
Create Distance: Give yourself some infinite to get used to beingness away from the person. Wait a few days or weeks earlier responding to calls and texts, and disregard personal invitations. Get involved in activities that they are less probable to exist involved in. If mutual friends inquire about your behavior, only say you have been decorated. Yous don't have to cutting the person off completely, and it is okay to be cordial and make small-talk if you happen to run into them.

Pro tip: A dog will always be your friend and will never use you—except for treats. — Pro tip: A dog will always be your friend and will never use you lot—except for treats.

Recognizing the Signs of a Bad Friend in the Future

Now that yous take stated your demands and created distance between yourself and your friend, information technology is of import to reflect on the lessons that the state of affairs presented. One of the well-nigh important takeaways is to not repeat the mistake of being caught up in a toxic relationship in the get-go identify. I

t can be hard to determine if someone intends on taking advantage of yous upon first coming together them. Exist on the lookout for these common traits of exploitive people:

They Not bad or Insult Others
They Practice Not Tell the Full Truth
They Play Innocent or Minimize their Beliefs
They Blame Others
They Lack Boundaries and Crowd Your Space

A Friend That is Using You is No Friend At All

The basic principle to go on in mind is this: a simulated friend who is looking to use y'all volition be focused on all the wrong things. Everything in your friendship volition be a means to an end, and you'll detect that you lot take a hard fourth dimension enjoying the moment with them.

A genuine friend, on the other hand, will never concord the friendship hostage to atmospheric condition. Since they like you for who you lot are, even if your external life circumstances modify—similar your social status, your income, or your youthful glow—they will still care about you nonetheless.

In that sense, you could say that a truthful friendship is unconditional, but a "friendship" with a user is highly conditional. Subsequently all, when a friend is using you, they just desire to go something out of you. Anything else in the friendship is at all-time a distraction from the ultimate goal, and they may even exist frustrated with your pleasantries.

And so exist picky with who you spend your time with. Don't waste your life entertaining people who simply want to use y'all. That time is much better spent forging real bonds with people who honey you for who y'all are.

This content is authentic and truthful to the best of the author'due south knowledge and is non meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Question: How can I stop my friend from using me?

Answer: You can't brand anyone do anything. As unsaid in the article, if someone is using you lot, that'due south just their pattern of behavior--they apply other people, too, probably.

The best you tin can practice is have them for who they are, and then altitude yourself from them. At that place are plenty of other people in the earth to exist friends with.

Question: How do I walk away from a person that just cares about what I can practice for them?

Answer: No, but seriously, you might want to sit down somewhere placidity and call up deeply about why you feel that you "need" them in your life. What is it that keeps drawing you back? Sometimes we develop weird patterns with people. For example, sometimes we might be co-dependent and non realize information technology, and a part of united states of america enjoys being with a selfish person because we feel needed.

In your situation, I don't know, of course. At that place'due south not a whole non of context there for me to go off of.

Question: How do I deal with someone who only wants to hang out when information technology's convenient?

Reply: If you lot similar hanging out with them, then only hang out when it's convenient for both of you lot. There is nothing wrong with that. If information technology's never convenient, or you feel similar you're the just one going out of your way, and so terminate if it bothers yous.

Question: I'thousand not the 1 beingness used, but I think my best friend is being used past her other friends. I told this to someone else, but they just assumed I was jealous. How tin I tell her without seeming jealous?

Answer: Well, when you talk to her most information technology, try to be as non-judgmental and objective as possible. For case, instead of saying, "Emerge, I think George is using you," you might say, "I'm worried about you, Sally. It seems similar George only calls you when he needs a ride to work or wants to borrow coin. When was the last time yous two simply hung out?"

Merely state the facts equally you lot see them, and allow the other person describe their decision. Don't force the conclusion "He's using you!" on her, and she'll be more likely to mind.

Sam on May 23, 2019:

In form,my seat got moved because I talked to much with my friend, I was moved next to this "nice" guy named Ryan.He was prissy to me and we got on very well, we had been friends for about a month and I realized something. I was starting to go a trounce on him, but he liked my best friend Molly. I didn't know what to do at starting time. But and so I noticed something, it seemed like he was only request me things about Molly instead of just talking to me. At starting time I thought this is completely normal, I mean who wouldn't ask things about their crush? Since I go done to the part with Molly and my other friend Claire for office helper, he kept asking me to talk to Molly nigh him and see if she liked him. Then he would merely text me asking about what Molly says and seeing if I can electronic mail someone for him. He never speaks to me in other classes, and I'm in all his classes! And whenever he's with his friends he pretends I don't exist. I really wish it could be anything just truthful that he's using me, merely everything he does is in this article. And the worst part is that I still love him.....

Toki on Apr 17, 2019:

I take a "friend" that doesn't fit all the signs but one or 2 really stood out. I'm sharing this to illustrate that while sometimes what your friends do may not seem terrible, if it leaves a sour taste in your mouth, your probably right near them.

one. We would merely hang out at her house or run her eerands.

ii. Never ask what I had to do, or tell me what we were doing or asked me what I wanted to do(most stole me and drove me 40 min away in traffic for an eerand)

3. I Felt like she never wanted to exist lonely.

4. Asked to use my washer and dryer several times.

v. Would inquire for help cleaning her apt.

6. Subsequently her new roommate moved in she kind of dumped me. (Fyi I really similar her roommate she is very sweet)

7. Just asked to hang when her roomie is busy.

ix. Called me awkward resently.

The last straw

About 2 months ago I thought I was having lunch with my friend and her roomie before she left on her trip. I was wrong, we ended up getting weed for her roomie crusade she had lost her ID and they needed another person to get it!! I am very helpful and I would have done information technology if she enquire, only it just got dumped on me. It was the start time we had hung out in months. I as well found out in the car ride that they had plans to go clubing together that week. I never felt so left out and driveling.

I went habitation after that and take not spoken to her sense. In that location were other things too I could signal out but wont. I was in deprival about it before but writing this has affirmed that she is better out of my life.

Im still hurt by her actions and am choosing to ingore her if she ever calls and not tell her im moving out of the land. I honestley cant take the disappointment. I promise this will assist anyone who is in this position.

yanoosh on April 05, 2019:

To me, used in a friendship is like a paradox. When i is 'used' in a friendship they are really 'driveling'. And when one is 'used' in a friendship, they are not in a friendship. They are the casualty of a predator. I tin can pray for it to exist non true. I can pray for it to alter if I know its true. If its not true, neat! If it changes for the better from where information technology was, groovy! If non, I pray for protection and healing. Then I shall be vacated of their company.

hannah. on March 28, 2019:

i have a hard time saying no to things. i've spent $200 on my girlfriend earlier at the mall, my christmas money was completely gone after that. in school, everyone steps all over me- just of course i just let information technology all happen. they all seem to think that i'thousand non a human being with feelings, one girl chosen me an emotionless robot.

... on March 19, 2019:

I merely realised that I've subconsciously been using my friend, I have no bad intentions towards them, or desire them to be used. Only I noticed that I've been using them, they practise equally well and I regret my deportment. But it'south too tardily, they detest me at present. What practise I do?

Fred on March 01, 2019:

My friend of five years lost his job, his machine, his firm. He has a bad back and tin can't work. I am his simply friend. I found him a cheap room he tin can afford on his social security income. I drive him to the doctors, shopping for food, haircuts, picking up prescriptions, I go his mail at my house and deliver it to him. I have to see him 3-5 hours a day upwardly to 4 times a week! He has no family unit and he is bi-polar. How can I put a stop to this without letting him starve to death?

; on February 24, 2019:

My friend has lost all respect for me. I want to break off our friendship How do I practise it nicely?

lisahttps://pairedlife.com/friendship/9-Signs-Someone-is-Using-You lot-How-to-Tell-If-Your-Friend-is-Using-Yous-For-Coin-Social-Status-or-Anything-Else# on February 12, 2019:

Yes, I accept a friend that is always pick this up for me, do this for me, exercise that for me. I will pay you lot Friday. The thing that rubs me wrong this friend always wants to go to breakfast simply NEVER offers to purchase mine when I constantly do things for this person. I give them nutrient I brand as well. It never occurs to them to do one little matter dainty for me.

Jason Judas on January 25, 2019:

My two all-time friends only talks to me when he's in emotional demand. They don't say hi or offer to hang out or play games or go to the movies unless they are doing bad... They don't ask for coin but they only talk to me when they are doing bad. Whenever I effort to respond their questions they blow my answers off. When I tried to talk nearly what's going on with me I either get accused of trying to seek attending and/or they bring it dorsum fast to their own problems. I don't know what to do. I'g supposed to motility in with them.

Paul Gould on December 19, 2018:

I've an ex partner that seems ok with me one min but when i show her a text to bear witness that I'thousand not lieing i become blamed for playing with her caput and information technology simply kill me inside as all i wonna be is truthful and she just turns on me

Freya on December 15, 2018:

My friend has washed all of these things except maybe 1 or 2 i confronted him and he said that this website was lying (i fifty-fifty went on to another website he did the aforementioned things) and 2 he started bringing things upwardly from ages ago and said to me i was a really good friend and he didn't want to lose me as if fifty-fifty though i really think he is using me i can't practise annihilation about information technology he ever finds away its kind of getting annoying at present he makes other accounts to talk to me every time i block him and persuades me every time that hes not using me delight tell me how to stop this i know he will say i thought nosotros were over this if i confront him once more i deceit really trust any of my friends now

Anthony on December 08, 2018:

My friend Jake is exactly like that i e'er had a feeling he was using me he made me lose and so many friends :c now its payback

Nat on November 25, 2018:

I have a brother in law that uses me constantly; he uses me to watch his kids for his "dr'due south appointments," but it honestly feels like he uses me so he tin go away from his kids for awhile. I stay at his business firm, sometimes for days at a time to watch his kids. I don't know a polite way to tell him I don't want to keep doing this.

Kiwi on October xvi, 2018:

Thanks for this! Actually helped - great righting, I wouldn't exist surprised if yous were in a chore of journalism or writing of some sort haha.

Have a dainty day person who is reading this. :D

Makenzie Morris on October thirteen, 2018:

ane of my friend´s i´ve been best friends with since tertiary grade talked to me the whole last week, and yesterday all of sudden she didn't even talk or hangout with me then i recall she only might of been hanging around me is because so she tin can get answers for other people considering she is friends with my cousin and were not that shut or annihilation only it´s like everytime she wants to talk to me is only when she needs answers for my cousin and her all-time friend but i feel used so i need your help please.

aileen on October ten, 2018:

i take a bff and she, well i think she is using me... first of all, she's like

"hey are you gonna go me a present for my birthday?" EVERYTIME, it bugs me and also she'south like "hey im only using you lot for presents... Just KIDDING" like dude.. wtf and everytime im with her. she's goes with someone else and tries to stay away from me. and every time i wanna talk to her she'due south like "oh what did u say?" i take a feeling she's using me... and im here for her i help her out with her problems.. but nope! seems like she is using me..

Elizabeth on September xx, 2018:

Neighbour - always asks for things, rides presents and money - I said no for the starting time time - she will non respond phone and I need my appliance. She is 60 years erstwhile and still a child.

anjo on September xviii, 2018:

pls dey gossip me and i always think im a fool to trust em

Ella on September 16, 2018:

A girl in my class actually likes this boy, but the boy likes me, so she said that she wanted to play with me, and me existence me, not wanting to exist rude said okay. A flake later in this 'friendship', she said that she just hangs out with me considering I exercise what she says. Several times, I tried to hang out with other friends of mine, but she makes it seems like I am forbidden to hang out with me. I don't desire to be rude, only I been in many... situations where this happened to me. And, afterward I find out that happens to me, I get similar unsure if I should hang out with others because I don't want to get hurt once more. I don't know what to do in those situations. I never would want to be rude or mean to others, simply I experience like that girl is using me because I am popular at schoolhouse, as to the fact that many people in my school know me although I don't know them. How do I handle this although I don't want to seem mean or unpolite in any sort of way? Also that, the girl also is really pop, and the group of friends she has is the group of girls that if y'all don't practise or upset them in any way, they make your life miserable. (I know that from feel) like, they start rumors about you (Bad rumors), they bully you, and they brand everyone that isn't your good friend detest you. Also, she gets really mad if I say that I don't want to exercise what she says. So, she 'gets all upset' and if I all the same don't submit, she finds someone who will do what she says. And, when some other girls in her real friend group come around, that girl ignores me and acts like I don't exist. How do I handle this without being rude?

Dan on August fifteen, 2018:

I accept known a woman for over a twelvemonth now, she was from another country, well to cut a long story short about how we met and not going into too much details, well not long ago she said she had to go back to her country for something personal and she needed me to send her money due to a problem, but on Facebook she looked similar she was good and having a great fourth dimension, and she asked me to transport money, simply whenever I text she very rarely replied and merely I made effort to continue in touch and she did very fiddling. What would y'all say that is?

Lauren on August 11, 2018:

Well at present I understand what it really was he used me a little scrap he never brought me dorsum anything from his trips but it could've been that he doesn't have that much coin to spend on anyone he only comes around when I compliment him like when I tell him he'south sweet everything is fine information technology's merely when I disagree with him on something he has a problem he really doesn't treat me similar a big priority or a priority at all sometimes all I've ever asked him for is some time with him and that he lets me give him a petty love

Lauren on August 04, 2018:

I had a friendship end recently he made me feel similar I wasn't skilful enough for him maybe I should have explained that to him but I didn't he constantly put his girlfriend first and never made me feel similar a priority sure he texted me and gave me support simply I know it takes more then that to be a skillful friend to someone simply he wasn't being a good friend to me he put his girlfriend first all the time

Daniel on June 21, 2018:

My friend Richard, who i thought was a friend and is actually not. Only calls when he needed aid with his girlfriend. was not there for me when my mum had a heart attack told me to keep my family stuff private, after all i accept done for him and been there for him. he lied to her about me and bad mouthed me. just calls when he needs something, complete toxic person.

Linda on May xi, 2018:

All i wanted was a friend at schoolhouse in my class who stands upwards for me, keeps you in company, thinks about me, includes me, won't speak bad about me, doesn't ignores me and assist me out with whatever problems.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on Dec 28, 2017:

10. You're ever the one who pays for everything!

Simply as there are takers and users sadly there are people and then drastic for friendships and beloved that they'll effort to purchase people in lodge to become them to "similar them" or spend time with them.

They give and keep giving until it considering painfully obvious this person will never value them. It's your job to look out for you!

Each of usa (chooses) our ain friends, lovers, and spouse.

Each of united states has our own screening process/must haves list.

'A man can't ride you lot unless your dorsum is bent."

– Martin Luther Rex, Jr.

robisonthatithe.blogspot.com

Source: https://pairedlife.com/friendship/9-Signs-Someone-is-Using-You-How-to-Tell-If-Your-Friend-is-Using-You-For-Money-Social-Status-or-Anything-Else